A request

So, I'm here with Arielle and I just showed her the amazingly crappy and disturbing Richard Horvitz chatspeak fangirl poem I wrote back in August. She has requested that I write one with chatspeak about Christmas. I am happy to oblige.

an xmas poem
bi acey m
12/28/2007

i sit heer @ teh xmas trei
cryin undur it's borkin lites
cuz i no
how mcuh dis xmas suxed

i gut evryting i wnated
n moar
but taht dindt stahp
teh holedei hororz

todei i put en mai 2nd disk
Of the Super Amazing Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy Season 1 Set
adn 2 mai despleezur
eet was blenk leik an intrenit trolls haed

nd tuhs i set
loanly n sed
sense nobdoy cna eez
mai turmentid sole

End.

True story, actually. As I sat here, NOT CRYING, the only holiday tragedy I could think of was the fact that my second disc of my Billy & Mandy set has nothing written on it. Which is totally lame and full of EPIC FAIL.

By the way, apparently I passed Arielle's test with flying colors. 8D She wouldn't "stahp" giggling as I wrote it.

I should start teaching classes--and charge massive amounts of cash--to people who want to learn my super fantastic skillz. Or I could just keep them to myself and let the art belong solely to me. Muwahahaha!

I think I have writer's block

I want to write, I love my characters. But...I can't. It's like the passion is gone. I love my characters, but it seems like I don't care about them, if that makes any sense.

What can I do to get myself able to write my story again? Is there some sort of trick? Or can I not because I'm continually stiffled by my home enviroment, and so much of my energy and creativity is spent just trying to laugh at it all and get through all of my days?

It's true I tend to write better in the morning or afternoon. Could that be because I actually have the energy to do it? This last June, when my parents were gone for several days, I was able to write a roughly 10k word fanfic over the course of a few days.

It's just now...I feel so incredibly depressed. Could it be that no matter how much I dream, no matter how much I want it, these things are unattainable? That I can't finish this story before college? That I don't possess the energy nor patience nor ability to complete it due to my undesired circumstances?

I think I need to be doing some major re-thinking, and go back to find someone that I've forgotten. Someone I thought I could do without. Because I don't want to let myself wallow here and let myself become a victum of my situations.

Well, you know what?

Fuck you, messed up sleep patterns!

I mean, I would say "insomnia," but the fact of it is that I don't have insomnia. I have Delayed Sleep Onset, and I completely messed up my sleep schedule by staying at the Krajnak's Christmas party 'till 1 AM yesterday and sleeping in until 10:40 AM.

As such, I went to bed at around 8:30 PM and probably slept for a few of hours. 'Cause I know it was around 2 AM when I saw what time it was and couldn't stand it anymore.

So, today I'm going to remain awake until it's 9 PM, then I go to bed.

But the thing that sucks about this arrangement is that absolutely nothing is on TV this early in the morning. Just a bunch of crappy paid programming about various, sometimes non-nonsensical house supplies, finances, and losing weight.

Thus, here I am. On my brother's laptop. Writing a blog entry. In my Mickey Mouse PJs. Snuggled up in a purple, butterfly blanket. Drinking Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. At 4:30 in the freaking morning.

Giggle and snort if you like at my misfortune, because I agree that there's plenty of humor to this. It just really, really bites ass at the moment.

I'm going to see if I have any written creativity.

Oh, Merry Christmas Eve, everybody.

Some examples of that wangsty material

My parents are friggin' ridiculous. Completely unempathetic. The only people I know who can manage to get in an argument over the minor things I got incorrect in Geometry tests. The worst about those minor things is how minor they really are--a point off on problems!

Dad is a complete ass when it comes to teaching, thank God that he isn't the one teaching me. He was supposed to go over my tests with me and explain what I did wrong. What did he actually do? He tested me on the problems I got wrong, to see if I could get them right, and then gave me long, drawn-out redundent lectures on the particular mistake I was making.

With him continuing to do that...over and over again...I exploded. I ended up pissed at both of my parents and primarily arguing with Dad for an hour. I think it's ended, but now I just feel drained, depressed, and kinda want to either crawl up in a ball and die or go over to a friend's to escape.

And...my mother...ugh.

"That frustration you feel?" she said after the argument ended, looking at me with her wide, self-pitying eyes. "Just multiply that by five hundred and you know what I go through all the time."

Nothing better to top off a shitty afternoon than being told by your own flesh and blood that your feelings are insignificent compared to theirs. I mean, it's not that I think what I go through is worse than hers, or my feelings are more important. But, damnit, couldn't she just say something like, "Oh, honey, I know," and hug me or something? Why is my mom so oblivious that she can't even do that one freaking thing right?

Oh, I even confirmed with Mom that that was what she meant. I even told her, "that's not very comforting."

Her initial response?

"What, that I have to go through all that horrible stuff on a daily basis?"

"No, that your frustration is apparently greater than mine." (I said something to that effect)

"Oh, well, I guess it did, because that's what I honestly meant."

So...yeah. There's no way I could even hope to write, feeling the way I do now.

I wish Josh and Tim were here.

An IM snippet

Tsumirechan (7:59:09 PM): My life is just full of lawl like that
ConfusedMeNot (7:59:26 PM): yes
ConfusedMeNot (7:59:35 PM): your parents would drive me insane
Tsumirechan (7:59:25 PM): I know you're so jealous :P
Tsumirechan (7:59:52 PM): All the emu gawfs would die to be in my shoes--they would have better wangsting material!
ConfusedMeNot (8:00:14 PM): hahaha XD

Geeking out

I was watching As Told By Ginger, I actually just finished. It was the holiday episode when Ginger finds out that she's one-quarter Jewish.

Imagine my surprise when I'm just innocently watching and the sound of a bit character's voice catches my ear. Could it be? I wonder, then rewind and rewatch. It is. A Jewish boy talking to Ginger at her school was voiced by Richard Horvitz! I totally geeked out. The credits confirmed my accuracy. 8D

Also, I finished my project today! Yay! Andrea, since it's late over here, I'm taking the picture of it tomorrow, and I'll show it to you then. I'm so excited!

Mmmhmm, I am now a professional actress!

No autographs, please. ;)

Mom gave me a letter today that she got in the mail yesterday. It was address to me, from ACAP. It was a thin letter, and I opened it up.

What did I find? A fifty-friggin' dollar check for me from the Wizard of Oz: Unplugged performance I did in Madison!

And, with this check, Sarah's check for me from babysitting, and the allowence money I'm getting from Mom, I'll be adding a bit over 100 dollars to my checking account. And above all...

I'll no longer be in debt for all the Christmas presents I've got people! Yes!

I think I'll celebrate by buying something. XD;

Well, now I'm going to finish watching As Told By Ginger and then start working on my little project. <3

*rawrs and hisses silently about a chick who made a blog post about pirating Psychonauts*

Happy December(ween)

Interesting stuff has happened over the last few days...

And this year is going to be known as, "the year that Acey got really creative with the To/From tags."

Why? Because my mom asked me if I would wrap presents, since she doesn't like doing it, and I thought she was offering to pay me. Apparently she wasn't, but wasn't unwilling to pay me anyway (though she did call me a mercenary). So, I've been wrapping all the presents that are for the boys and my parents, for a Psychonauts t-shirt. The shirt is amazing, by the way. I'm wearing it right now.

BUT, since I've been writing all the gift tags...after a while, writing things like "To: Josh, From: Mom & Dad" gets dreadfully boring. My solution? Things like:

To: Josh
From: SANTA
and his little helpers, yeah?

And,

To: Tim
From: yo momma
and pops

My dad has also received a gift from BABY Jesus (notice how the word "baby" was randomly written in all capitals) and SANTA! (I actually wrote the exclamation point, too)

Really, I don't think the humor is really in what I'm writing, but the varying sizes in which I'm writing them (see Josh's). I'm fully prepared to be called a dork numerous times by my brothers. Especially because I did this all for a nerdy t-shirt.

P.S. I was personally thrilled at the packaging for the shirt, because my address was hand written on the label. I know that this was because the company is rather small, but I found it to be very cool, very personal, because every letter was carefully scribed. I guess I was also thrilled because my last name was spelled correctly, which is a common, sloppy mistake that I'm glad wasn't there.

'KAY I LIED.

I did get all the figments in Psychonauts, got to rank 100, and re-beat the game at about 18 hours.

I also wrote a Psychonauts fanfic this morning, about Oleander's dad.

So, yeah. I'm a total loser.

But anyway, it's not like I have a chance to play it any time soon--my brother Josh has the X-Box and is going off to college again. In a way, I kinda had to play it obsessively so I could get everything done, before Josh left.

When Sarah and Gabe get back, I think I'll let Gabe borrow Psychonauts if he's interested. It's a nice single player game, he may like it. If he doesn't, well, at least he didn't spend money at Blockbuster renting a possibly very damaged copy.

Well, I'm off, I'm going to post my fic on the Pit now.

((Speaking of the Pit, I'm shocked to see how many Sasha/Raz and Dr. Loboto/Sasha fics are on the site. I mean, ewww...why would you write slash about Dr. Loboto, anyway?! I guess I really don't want to know...))

My brothers came home for Thanksgiving

And Josh brought his X-Box home with him, like I asked him to. Guess what that means.

I played Psychonauts. At last.

A couple of days ago I was doing errands with my mom* and I asked her since we were in the area, if we could go to the Gamestop at the mall to see if they had Psychonauts. They didn't. We checked the EB Games near the mall. They didn't have it either.

However, the Gamestop near Noodles and Company did have Psychonauts for the X-Box. It's still completely beyond me why Brookfield has three used game shops in pretty much the same area, but, hey, I got my game, so I'm not complaining.

The game I bought is in excellent condition as well! Absolutely no scratches, there were only some fingerprints.

So, when I got to start playing it yesterday, when Josh came home, I was thrilled. So thrilled that from the time he came home I didn't stop playing until around 12:30 AM (I didn't realize it was so late, and I was in the middle of a level that I wanted to finish before I stopped).

This morning I woke up at around 7:50 to watch the Angry Beavers on Nickelodeon. I was recording it via DVR, but I don't think that gets counted in the ratings? Anyway, I wanted to support the first time the beavers have been on Nickelodeon in years.

Pretty much after that, I was back to playing Psychonauts again. It's such a fun game, I could hardly put it down. And, despite the fact that I was well aware that Richard Horvitz did the voice of Raz, I still got immersed in his character and story.

Because, you know, sometimes when people are fans of actors they tend to watch something just because that particular actor is doing something in it, even if the story is mediocre. However, I'm glad to say that Psychonaut's story, characters, art, and acting blend so well together that I couldn't imagine it being described as mediocre.

Yeah, the game was sort of short. I didn't get everything, since I have no patience to track down every single last figment in the game, but I completed the game in about 15 hours. I think that's about three hours more than what most gaming websites average the playtime, but eh. That's just me.

For the record, since I am a pathetic human girl, I nearly cried twice out of frustration from playing Psychonauts. Saving Li'l Oly from the mutuant rabbits was horrible and Raz's nightmare acrobatic regimen of DOOM was frustrating as well. Once I got past those (and both times it was pretty much a case of "UGH! You're doing it all WRONG, Acey! Suck less, please!"), it was smoother.

Uh, but I also did snap at my brother a little when I was facing the final boss...I pretty much was like, "Tim, would you stop talking to me?" I apologized, but, geez, I'm facing a two-headed freak of nature boss, and my brother is asking me tons of questions. If I did that to him, I'm pretty sure he would've done a little more than a slight snap at me.

Yeah. The game is fun, amusing, though preposterously difficult at the end. I find I must echo what I read from other players of the game: It's got a really, really weird difficulty curve.

So, I would say, if you get easily pissed off by frustrating video games or frustrating video games might make you cry, but you still want to try Psychonauts...

Take a break. If you're sick and tired of failing at that one part and having to start over and over again, pause, wipe your sweaty palms on your pants, walk away from the game, and breathe. Drink some water, clear your head. Once you're a little more mentally stable and less like Boyd, return to your console and try again. Rinse and repeat until you pass that hard part.

I mean, the game is pretty easy up until the final level. Some of the parts before that can get annoying, but not the "I-want-to-destroy-my-console" kind.

So the overall verdict is:

Yes; I do obsessively play video games until I beat them. Thank you for noticing.

((*by the way, Mom and I haven't had any huge depressing discussions since the 16th. Yay!))

Funny how everything becomes clearer when I start to type

Yesterday managed to be less than fantastic, I remain living so I don't have too much to complain about. I don't exactly want to write specifics--everything's too hazy anyways--so I think I'll just type a bunch of vague fragments in sequence.

Depression. Frustrations. Bad communication. Mocking. Hurt. Heart-wrenching bouts of tears. Less bad communication. Feeling better. Communication still overall sucks.

I really can't wait for college to come, just because I really want to get out of the house and spread my wings. I don't expect to do everything perfectly, but I want to learn to make my own stupid mistakes and learn from them.

Oh, I have a liquid problem, apparently, as I couldn't pour coffee creamer in my mug earlier without some spilling on my sock and the floor, and I couldn't walk into the basement without pouring coffee on my pants and on the carpeted stairs.

I'm thinking about attempting some writing tonight, and I hope I manage it. I just looked over some of my beginning stuff and got the horrible urge to rewrite it, but it's good enough aside from some paragraphing issues which I can fix later. I now fully realize what Jenn was telling me a couple of years ago; when you start something, try to finish it, else you get into this rut of just perfecting the bits you've written and can't hope to continue further.

...Sorry, I guess I can't help but have my mind drift back to the discussions I've had with my mom over the last couple of days. They've really been eye-opening, in the sense that it f*cking emotionally hurts like all hell.

She, in her own words, doesn't give a rat's ass about animation and voice acting. She, in her own words, finds my casual and upbeat discussions about it tiring and too much, and would rather hear me vent my frustrations and lament my worries and depressions.

I'm sorry, but seriously? If I am actually clinically depressed, I think one of the best medicines I can take is filling my life with positive stuff, and talk about that positive stuff. Things that make me happy. The more I talk about depressing stuff, the more cynical I can get. I know, pretty hard to believe I can be cynical and pessimistic when on the internet and with real life friends, I'm pretty much:

"OMG! I love you! *hugs* So, leik, I was watching cartoons yesterday! I love cartoons, do you? OH YEAH! I loooove Foster's, and Billy & Mandy, oh, and have you seen El Tigre? It's pretty cute... hey, do you know anything about voice actors? Uh huh, here's a fun fact: Billy West, the voice of Fry on Futurama, does the voice of the honeybee in the Honeynut Cheerios commercials! Isn't that funny?" And pretty much saying all of this in an excited tone and a smile on my face. That's the me I show to my friends, because it helps me have more faith in life by being goofy and positive, and it helps them by me not being the overly emo wangsty baby hate child I could be. Nobody likes a drama whore, so I refrain from being one.

...Mom? I'm sorry you absolutely hate what I love. I'm sorry you seem unable to appreciate animation, voice actors, taste that is entirely different from your own, or the newer animation that is emerging. But I can't help but feel that you seem to be trying to "nurture" my interests, yet stay entirely removed from what I see as my budding career.

And, Mom, if watching cartoons and looking up information on voice actors and talking with people about animation is making me happy, I'd rather do that than start popping depression meds. I don't care if I'm "clinically depressed," which I'm probably not. I'm an average teenager going through strife and handling it like most teens do.

I'm not constantly suicidal; I'm not cutting; I'm not pregnant; I get good grades, I do my school work; I'm planning on going to college; I'm taking my future seriously, looking at what I think I can and would like to do as a career.

I mean...Mom, in most ways I am an above average teenager. What more do you want? Seriously? Most of my negative behaviors that you had serious problems with have gone, and now the problems you have with me are becoming more and more anal and requiring more from me than I think is necessary. I thought you would love hearing about my interests and aspirations, people I admire, a business I'd like to be apart of in the future.

I guess I was wrong. But how can I not share them, with you now semi-constantly yelling at me for not being informative and sharing what's going on in my head?

Ugh...everything is just a mess right now. And somehow I still manage to be continually baffled by the sheer fact that people, such as my mother, can be completely insensitive hypocritical assholes, yet also show to possess more than a twinge of care, though still maintain more than a healthy dose of stubbornness.

On a lighter, related note: I'm entirely grateful that my mom has no clue where this blog is.

I just measured myself this morning

I thought I was 5'4", but I have just found that this isn't true.

Apparently, I'm 5'2.5".

Well, that explains a lot.

(Though I'm still underweight according to the National BMI index. Eh, still not caring.)

Dear world,

From now on, please address me as the fantastic idiot formerly known as "Acey M."

Why?

I hit another car while pulling into a parking lot today.

I was on the way to work, basically. I was rather stressed out because all the really impatient people who detest student drivers seemed to be behind me today. Also, I didn't sleep well last night, but I kinda forgot about that.

Thankfully, the guy I hit was a real sweetie and had kids of his own, so he didn't call the cops on me. ._.; Still feel like a dumbass. I was going less than 20 mph and I hit a car. While trying to pull into the parking lot of where I work. It's just so full of lame and suck, I'm still kinda mesmerised by my own stupidity.

Everyone I've talked to today (including my brother, Josh) has told me not to worry about it or beat myself up about it, but my perfectionist self is just having the dandiest time mentally wacking myself over the head with various blunt objects.

'Cause, well, I should've pulled over and let my mom drive waaaay before I got near work. I was nervous because all these irritated drivers were behind me (excuse me for not being comfortable enough to drive over the speed limit!), and was starting to feel light-headed. But no. I'm just like, "I have to push myself outside of my comfort zone, or I'll never improve."

That particular nugget of wisdom? Doesn't apply to all aspects of life.

Here's hoping I sleep tonight.

Talking with the Hamza

So, currently speaking with Hamza...it's interesting.

I'm going to a Radio Broadcasting class tonight that's being held at UWW, a local college. I'm rather excited about going to it.

I pretty much just got off of the phone with Hamza. We talked for about an hour total.

So, my current gaming interests:

Yesterday and this morning (meaning, at around 3:30 AM), I watched a playthrough of the game Psychonauts, pretty much due to my "illness," Horvitzious obsessus. (*insert laugh here at my bad pseudo-Latin*) It looked like a really fun, better-than-decent game. I was kinda proud of my nerdy skillz, because I could tell which parts of the game were difficult by looking at them. Most of the game looked fairly easy and straightforward, though there were parts where I was going, "...I would've never found that."

As such, I really want to borrow Josh's X-Box and get a hold of a copy of Psychonauts, because it looks like fun. And, from what I've read, the PC version just doesn't seem to be acceptable enough.

I really need to finish eating, so I can be well-fed for this class. Ta!

You are free to LOL at me

This happened within the last 10 minutes.

I was just sitting innocently at the computer...while blaring Evanescence...Bring Me to Life, more specifically. And I was singing to it. I was having fun, trying to imitate her voice and the inflections she sang with.

Then, all of a sudden, my mom popped out of nowhere and sat next to me at the other computer.

I freaked.

"OH SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!" I yelled, promptly closing iTunes and running upstairs to hide.

I'm a loser.

Worst of it? My mom came and found me to tell me that I had a lovely voice.

This was one of those, "Please let me crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment" moments.

Funny thing this afternoon, described in chat with Andrea

Tsumirechan (7:51:49 PM): SO LIKE
Tsumirechan (7:51:59 PM): I kept getting popcorn in my bra at the movie this afternoon
Tsumirechan (7:52:06 PM): It made me LAWL to myself
ConfusedMeNot (7:52:17 PM): ...HOW?
Tsumirechan (7:52:36 PM): Because I'm wearing something that
Tsumirechan (7:52:40 PM): 's a little low
Tsumirechan (7:52:52 PM): AND THERE'S SPACE BETWEEN THE TWO HILLS
Tsumirechan (7:53:02 PM): So the popcorn kept falling in the valley
ConfusedMeNot (7:53:18 PM): LOL
Tsumirechan (7:53:49 PM): Yep

Being at Sarah's ROCKS MY FACE OFF.

So, I am currently at the lovely Sarah's abode, and last night was the first time I spent the night at her place and actually managed to sleep well. All is right with the world.

I got some scrapbook pages done, and (hopefully) Sarah will soon be reading the revisions I made to my story. One of such revisions is that Naji aged, which one can tell from his attitude. He now acts more like a preteen, rather than a silly, little child.

There's more I need to rewrite, just a couple of scenes, and once I finish that, I'm finally going to start moving forward with the story. Thank God I don't have some kind of deadline.

D: For the record (and, yes, this is terribly random) drinking coffee makes me have to pee. REALLY BAD. I haven't gotten up yet because I'm making myself finish this blog post before I relieve myself. Tim, I don't care if that was too much information for you. Nerd.

I'M HAVING SPAGHETTI FER DINNER! That's pretty cool, eh? I know I'm making you all very, very JEALOUS! No, I won't virtually share. I'm just that mean and selfish.

Prediction: If Sarah and I watch Summer School today, she will roll her eyes at me. I will enclose the reason why in my tags.

I heart you, V.

xSkyeSongx (8:21:04 PM): lols. LIEK. OMG YESH. I WAS SOOO SCUURRREEDDD. TERE WERE MONSTER COLLEGE KIDS THAT ANTED TO EAT MEEEE
xSkyeSongx (8:21:14 PM): *WANTED
Tsumirechan (8:21:06 PM): D: OH SHIT
xSkyeSongx (8:21:25 PM): exactly
Tsumirechan (8:21:17 PM): DID YOU HAVE YOUR ZOMBIE GUIDE WITH YOU??
xSkyeSongx (8:21:33 PM): OF COURSE
xSkyeSongx (8:22:15 PM): I GRABBED MEH SHOT GUN (that no good Southerner is EVA without) and was leik BEE-OTCHES. DIIIEEE...again

Running away is not nessessarily a great choice, but...

I did it anyway.

I'll explain what happened today.

It was just a normal Saturday, my mom asked me to unload the dishwasher. 'Kay, that's fine, it's a chore I have, no big deal. So, I finish up what I was doing (skipping the News Channel on my Wii) and start the job a few minutes later.

As I walked into the kitchen, I asked my mom if we were doing anything today. She said, "Well, I was thinking about going to see [some play I can't remember the name of]..."

"Uh, aren't we seeing Thoroughly Modern Millie tomorrow?" I asked her. She responded, yes, we were, BUT...

Now, I had never heard of the play she mentioned. This was rather sudden, and I admit that I don't particularly like just going to stuff that I've never heard of before. I like having at least a couple of days to think about it, and get more information than a last minute summary.

So I said, "You know, I don't really like going to see plays without too much notice..." I've mentioned this before. My mother's response?

"Oh, I forgot, the notice thing," she said in a really demeaning tone, mocking me.

"Can you quit mocking me?"

"No, I guess I can't." At that, I felt too pushed into a corner. I hadn't even done anything, and yet my mother was being the wicked witch of the west.

I got frustrated and put away the silverware I was holding and agitatedly said, "unload your own dishwasher." Then I went to my room and laid on my bed.

I was there for a while before Dad came in and started to tell me how the dishwasher really needed to be emptied, and that Mom was just teasing me. But anyone with a brain who was in the room could tell that my mom's tone reeked of mockery.

Dad left and ended up relating the conversation to Mom, who shortly there after came into my room to mock me more. For serious. I said to Dad, "She doesn't understand me," because she doesn't, not because I'm being a generic wangsty teenager. So she mocked me for it. And turned it around to be about her.

"You don't understand me. It's true, you don't understand me and what I go through." That's what mother said.

I kinda snapped after she added "asshole" after that remark. I screamed, "Fuck you, bitch" at her. Not exactly the most mature thing ever, but I did it nonetheless.

Once she left me, I made up my mind that I was going to run away. I was going to get dressed--I was still in my pajamas--unload the dishwasher, and leave.

So that's what I did. I waited until Mom was in the basement, told Dad I was going for a walk, and left with my cellphone.

I ran from the backyard, considering taking a road is pretty much the dumbest route one could choose if one was trying to go undetected and unfound.

I didn't go far, just near the elementary school just outside of my subdivision. I called Tim and talked to him, relating to him what had happened. He suggested that I should call Arielle and have her pick me up.

Jumping at that suggestion, I called Arielle and she came to pick me up. We went to Kohl's to buy a gift for a party she was going to, and I asked her to drop me off at Sarah's.

We were lucky, because Sarah and Gabe were just about to leave for a cleaning job. They let me come with, but Sarah called my mom so that she knew I was fine.

I'm home again and Mom didn't scream at me as soon as I came home. I assume tensions will be high tomorrow, but I don't want to anticipate it too much. I just might end up bringing it upon myself.

It's getting late, so I'm going off to bed now.

P.S. On a good note, I beat Twilight Princess a couple of nights ago, then I got all 60 poes. I really don't care to find the rest of the Heart Pieces, since that's about the only thing I can do now. The verdict is that I need a new game. However, that will have to wait until I buy the rest of my Christmas gifts for people, then I can spoil myself.

In a play

Again. It's called Folk Tales From Around the World. It's one of those plays that one does for school groups. I was hesitant about it during the first week of rehearsal (...and crying off and on with a mix of uncontrollable swearing...), but everything is so much better this week. My change of attitude is a huge factor in this, I'm sure.

...Yeah, I'm really, really tired. Though it makes things easier, a better attitude really doesn't cure the exhaustion from daily play practices.

I would talk to Andrea right now and enjoy some fun "socializing" time to unwind, but for some reason, SHE AIN'T ON. C'mon, it's like, what? 5:00 PM in Georgia? Surely she's back from school by now...and band...

Unless there's a game tonight. Damn sports. Rawr. I'm so infuriated, can't you tell? I'm just brimming with anger. My aura is flaring with hostility. Etc, etc, etc.

I guess, while I'm waiting for her I should work on the rewriting bits of my story, SyU. Yes, I'm going to continue to call it by it's abbreviation. It's such a clever title, all the cool kids are going to want to yank it from me. 'Cause I'm so sexy that I can come up with coolerific titles.

I suppose I'm in a good mood, because I've been filling this post with sarcasm.

Speaking of filling, I've been eating deviled eggs like crazy for the past couple of weeks. I don't know why, either, since I used to positively despise those things. Change of heart, I suppose.

...It's a sad thing when I write "change of heart" and I can't help myself from thinking of Yu-Gi-Oh. Supreme nerd, here. Please, no autographs. I might get ink all over my clean clothes.

Well, I better wrap up this meaningful yet meaningless entry, because the female parental unit wishes to discourse with me. (I guess another sign that I'm in a good mood is the fact that I've been blatantly using "big words" throughout my post so I feel smart. Harharhar, how clever am I.)

Tim: Uh, don't bother giving me spoilers. I'm getting the game soon, and if I was really dying to find out the ending, I could go to practically any Nintendo fan forum. Thanks for the offer, though.

Not going to L.A.

Apparently, the travel ticket thingys don't include an option for LA. Though there is a stupid cruise that is in L.A. or something, I have no interest in that. Oh well.

I still hope I can go to L.A. before I go to college. That would be a nice trip.

Tim, you guess correctly. Richard Horvitz is, in fact, in the MoHos. I'm becoming a bit too obvious, I think.

SPEAKING OF RICHARD HORVITZ:

I've talked to both Arielle and Hannah about going to see Hard Four when it comes out. If I could actually learn when it's being released in November, that would be helpful, but it's still a couple of months off so I'm not going to complain quite yet.

...And still speaking of Richard:

Over the past two nights, I've watched the new Squirrel Boy episodes that have been airing on Cartoon Network. They're good. Much, much better than some of the earliest episodes. If the show's starting to get good like this, it's a real shame if it's been canceled. I wonder if the series' life is hanging on it's ratings from this week.

On some other notes, tomorrow I'm performing in Madison, doing the Wizard of Oz: Unplugged again. I hope it works out, since we're having some fill-ins for a couple of the roles. It's a real shame that Jackie couldn't be there, because she's a great witch. I'm proud to say that I'm one of her apprentices.

Folk Tales from Around the World should work out, too, since I've finally gotten over my personal issues with the director. I think I was mostly thrown off because I was intimidated by her level of experience and, well, my lack of it. This is something that I know is not her fault. My reactions are my own problem.

I'm really excited that I'm getting Twilight Princess this week. It's going to be fabulous!

I was told to blog more.

So I'll try. Prepare yourself for random meanderings.

Well, I'm actually sick with a cold. Sucks to be me. If you pity me, please send money and cute boys to [address removed]. Last night, I had a 101.0 F fever. It's even more serious because when I'm healthy, I tend to be below 98.6 F...I'm feeling better today, however. Thank God I actually slept last night.

To say this next thing, I'll have to give a little back story:

About a week ago or so, I got a random phone call on my cell phone. It was a prerecorded message saying that a travel agency in [insert name of my town here] was opening soon.

It rattled off saying that if you attended a presentation of theirs, you would get two free tickets to L.A., Orlando, and some other place I forgot.

I kept listening only because they say one could get two free tickets, no strings-attached. I was hooked at the mention of L.A.

Once they got to qualifications, I started asking my mom questions. I knew my parents were married and between the ages of 25 and 70. However, I didn't know if they made a combined income of $40,000 a year. Apparently, my parents completely qualified.

In retrospect, I wish I intially told Mom more of what was going on, but I didn't. I handed my phone to her once it asked for the person's first and last name, with the last name being spelled out. I mean, I couldn't have done it, considering I failed to meet all three of the required criteria I listed above.

Once I explained to her, my mom was okay with the whole thing.

As such, it's highly possible that I could be going to L.A. sometime this or next year with my mother.

I plan to try to see the sketch group the MoHos while I am there.

No, I am not obsessed with Richard Horvitz...I'm such a liar...

Animation reviews?

So...I've been thinking about the idea of making a blog where I post reviews of animated entertainment, TV series and movies. If I do, I'll start the blog after I've written a review of something. You know, actually write a review this time instead of episode summaries. That would be good.

I started cleaning out my room yesterday and it's mostly clean. The depressing thing about it is that when I cleaned off parts of my desk, I found one of Karen's business cards. It's just...I know she's gone and I'm still upset about that.

I saw Ratatouille for the second time yesterday. It's still amazing. If the mall has one, I'm going to buy a Ratatouille wall-calendar for 2008. Just watch me.

I'm getting really hungry. After dinner, I'll probably work on some stuff for my story...

I'll get around to writing some more detailed posts later.

Dear self,

1. Why did you have a dream with Voldemort in it?
2. No, seriously, answer the question.
3. Voldemort would never kidnap you and take your baby for some reason.
4. He wouldn't force you to swallow special pills to make you obedient to him and no longer loathe him. He has magic for that, stupid.
5. You fail, dude. Just plain fail.

No love,
Self

A Beloved Teacher, Who Will Not Be Forgotten

Two days ago, as my mother and I were driving to Brookfield to get a haircut, I received a call on my cell phone. The caller id read “Sensei.” When I opened my phone to answer the call, possible hope and likely despair crowded my heart and mind.

Four months ago, my tutoring with my sensei, Karen Touton, was put on hold. She told me and Amanda, my classmate, that she wasn’t doing too well and that we would temporarily have to cease the Japanese classes. Amanda and I stated that our summers were pretty busy anyways, so it seemed it would be better for all of us, students and teacher, to start classes again in the fall.

A couple of weeks after that, my family received a call from one of Karen’s sisters. She called to inform us that Karen had serious brain cancer, and that it would be likely that Karen could never be my teacher again. She encouraged me to call Karen and talk to her, and then talk to her mother so her mother could remain Karen of the phone call. Either that or write a letter to Karen, as a sort of thanks and saying good-bye without saying good-bye, as her family didn’t want Karen to know how serious the cancer was.

I did neither, being too afraid and too in denial about saying farewell to a teacher I loved so much and respected so highly.

As I put my cell phone to my ear to hear the voice of the caller, my feelings of likely despair were realized.

“Hello? This is Karen Touton’s sister, were you one of her students?” she asked me. I answered that I was. “I’m sorry to tell you, but my sister passed away on Tuesday.”

She then proceeded to tell me of information having to do with the funeral. My mind was a blur with all the information I was trying to process, to comprehend. Eventually the call ended, and I broke down in tears.

Yesterday was the funeral, which I attended with my classmate, Amanda.

When I arrived at the Church with Amanda, we were greeted by one of Karen’s childhood friends, and Karen’s family. From the things I heard from Karen’s family, apparently Karen thought very highly of Amanda and me. The family was thrilled that we attended.

The thing I remember most vividly about yesterday was seeing Karen’s body; frozen in time, completely still, never to move or teach again. Some part of me hoped that, as I looked at her, she would just open her eyes again and smile. But she didn’t.

Despite my sorrows, I have many pleasant memories of the tutoring sessions I had with Karen. Initially at hearing the news of her death, I was haunted by the idea that there would be no more memories to create.

I am grateful, beyond measure, to this women. Knowing that Karen basically was there for my Japanese learning at its beginnings, that she had so much faith in my abilities…these are things that I do not take lightly.

Sensei, thank you for everything. You and your lessons will have a place in my memory for the rest of my life.

Karen Touton

10/6/1957-8/21/2007

Beloved daughter, sister,

friend, and teacher

Rest in Peace.

...I'm a horrible sinner destined for Hell.

So the "wyfe" said something. This to be exact:

ConfusedMeNot (8:27:56 PM): you know what would be really interesting to read? a poem written completely in chatspeak.

ConfusedMeNot (8:27:58 PM): not yet.

Tsumirechan (8:28:12 PM): ...I'LL DO IT

Tsumirechan (8:28:18 PM): As long as it can be a fangirly one

Tsumirechan (8:28:26 PM): About Richard Horvitz

ConfusedMeNot (8:28:35 PM): go ahead :D;

Tsumirechan (8:28:33 PM): YES

And so I did.

I hope Richard will never see this. It may scar him for life.

Richard, if you do read this...I want to let you know that I love you in a totally not physical way and this was written for humorous purposes only.

A Fangirly Poem
Written by Acey M
8/22/2007

omg
culd i eva expres
mai undieing luv 4 u

ricahrd horvetz
teh naem eez soorly shweet
leik lemmon-ade no a hawt sumar dei

i thnik abut u
alweiz n 4eva
i wesh we cuold git maryed
n hvae 12 kidz

im sory abut this
taht teh ropez r so tite
btu ni mai hert
i no u no
i do eet uot fo luv

Leaving tomorrow

So tomorrow I'm leaving for Mori no Ike. Finally.

Today was my last day working at the fair. The Action Center wasn't too bad today, even though I was working from 10 AM to 5:30 PM. Bryen made it much more bearable and interesting, bringing me to this point...

The highlight of my day: Re-telling the whole episode of the Most Horrible X-Mas Ever to Bryen W. It finally put the fact that I've watched the episode about six times to good use.

Another cool thing about today is that I ended up coming up with a word: "Geekery." It's a noun. If you don't understand what it would mean, note the first four letters. "Geekery" would mean the same thing as nerdiness, basically. Though I'm not sure if "nerdiness" is a word in all technicality, either.

I need to go finish packing for tomorrow. I'm bringing my portable DVD player with me, along with all of Invader Zim and the movies Kiki's Delivery Service, the Fox and the Hound, and Summer School. What? I know I'm a nerd. Tell me something I don't know, please.

Well, it'll be another four weeks until I can use the computer again. Bye everybody!

Mom.

You were bitching at, venting to, and throwing your pity party at Tim for two hours. Two hours.
Are you really surprised that he started screaming?

Mom, you have no concept of boundaries. No concept of when to stop.

And you never realize that what you're doing to us is wrong.

In a way, I'm surprised he didn't crack earlier.

So, current status? I hate life. Mori no Ike, please come quickly. Please!

This morning's short post continued

I screamed at her some more. Can't remember what I said.

We "made-up", but I'm frankly not sure how long it'll last. I can't trust her. I can't be fully honest with her because she doesn't understand. And I hate how saying that as the honest truth makes me sound like a whiny teenager.

Whenever I point out she's done something wrong, or something that bothers me, Mom just rationalizes and rationalizes and rationalizes. A single comment from me can turn into a twenty minute pity-party for Mom.

I'm just torn in so many ways. I'm worried about her and her health, yet at the same time, sometimes I wish she would just drop dead. She says I can be honest with her, that I can tell her everything. I can't. I've tried to do that in the past and it never works out because she always freaks out. She tries to solve things immediately. It's just...I can't. It doesn't work.

My gut tells me to be cautious about what I do and say around Mom. But at the same time, something in me wants to be perfectly honest with her because I want to hold to the sweet belief that things will be different. But they never are.

I feel like I'm going crazy, because I don't know who to believe. Believe what my gut is saying or what my naive nature and my mom is telling me?

She said something a little bit ago that kinda scares me. I feel so trapped. I'm actually tearing up as I'm writing this. She feels we don't spend enough time together. She was saying she wanted unconditional love, just for me to go up to her sometimes after school and say, "Hey, wanna go to a movie?" Instead of sitting on the computer.

This is where I tell you, the reader, that I am homeschooled, so a suggestion that I don't spend enough time with my mother makes about as much sense as saying that Invader Zim will get uncanceled and a new season is premiering on TV this coming fall, with all the cast and crew returning to the project.

I guess one thing is that I feel scared and, well, invaded. I feel like I have very little privacy, because as my mom has stated, she wants to know everything that's going on with me, and everything I'm feeling. Is this wrong to not feel the same way? That I feel like I want to be left alone?

I mean, Mom came into the room as I was typing this up, so I minimized it. She asked me if I was crying, but I really didn't want to tell her. She then came over and started tickling me to try to make me smile, after I admitted that I was feeling not so great about how things went this morning.

I faked it. I totally faked smiling and laughing, because I don't feel like smiling and laughing. No amount of tickling from her right now could truly ever make me feel better. So I faked it so she'd leave me alone.

Right now I really am not sure if there's something wrong with this picture I'm in or if I'm just insane.

So.

I just screamed at my mother. Literally.

I screamed, "You don't know what I'm doing, you don't know what's going on, so just leave me alone!"

I'm just tired of that bitch.

OMG A QUIZ! ...'Cause I was bored

You scored as Tak, You are ambitious and strong, and probably the second most intelligent person on the planet... In fact... if the first most intelligent person were to continue on with their video games you might succeed in your lofty goals! And just a kidney kick... YOUR S.I.R. can at least function properly! Tak 100% Gir 70% Tallest 70% Zim 60% Peepi The Hamster 60% Keef 60% Invader Skooge 60% Dib 60% Ms. Bitters 50% Gaz 40% Prof. Membrane 35% Piggy or Moose 0% Which Invader Zim Character Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

...It just really amuses me that, according to this quiz, I am as much Zim as I am Keef as I am Skoodge as I am Dib as I am Peepi the Hamster.
I'm not surprised that I scored kinda low as Gaz, but fairly surprised at the high ratings for GIR and the Tallest. And I find the fact that I got Tak 100% to be weird. I don't even really like Tak.

I had a little fun with this. Like, any slightly evil sounding questions I agreed with because, well...it made me smile. The full-of-yourself questions had a similar effect on me, too.

I suppose I'm officially a freak now. Oh well.

The 100th post! A convo with me and Andrea on Gaia Online

Andrea: thank you, wyfe ~ <3
Me: Oh, not at all, dear. It'll only cost you your eternal soul. :3
Andrea: WHAT?! DDDDDDD:
Me: HOW DARE YOU DEFY MY REASONABLE PRICES! Off to the dungeon with you.

Stuff starting to get back to normal

Tim's been doing better. I think, anyways. I haven't beaten him up yet, I think I haven't yet found the heart to do so. Err, or would it be that I haven't yet found the lack of a heart to do so?

I feel tired. Yesterday was busy, but a lot of good things happened.

I started working on my silly sewing project for 4-H, it probably won't take that long. I just hope to God that there won't be any hand sewing. Geez, I hate hand sewing. I watched a little bit of Invader Zim while I was finishing cutting out some pieces, and then pinning stuff together. I was mostly listening to the episodes. I'm not sure, but I think I got up to Walk of Doom.

I met with Maria yesterday to talk about my idea. Apparently, I won't be just hopping into my idea. It makes perfect sense, though, because I first need to figure out what the heck I'm doing, find out what works, what doesn't, etc.

Another problem Maria mentioned is that kids my age wouldn't care to listen to adults talk about their careers, even if it is interesting. Because it's not a concern for them, they don't have "omg I need a career path" staring at them in the face, these kids just plain aren't thinking about what they want to do in their future. So, before I can offer this solution to my peers, give them an idea of what they may want to do--or what they certainly don't want to do--I need to let them know that this is something that they should be thinking about. If I can get them to start thinking this way, I can get my idea to work and to be useful.

And only then will my quest for world domination truly begin. Buwahaha.

...Not really. I just had to add that last sentence because I was getting kinda serious and sounded smart or something. Pshaw.

But, anyway, about my idea? Maria said I need to start small. If I can get my "pilot project" to work, then I can go bigger. I'll learn how to make things run more smoothly. Also, once I get that experience people will be more trusting of me that I can actually do this.

I want to get back working on writing my story, but it seems I've hit a bit of writer's block. I haven't written for Layla in such a while that I'm sort of at a loss of what she would say. Either that or all of my characters have fled me because of my current infatuation with a certain marvelous voice actor. But, eh, I've always been a tad obsessive, so why would that make a difference now?

OH! I saw Ratatouille last night. It was amazing! I have to agree with my brother that there was one part where it wasn't as great. To say without spoilers, Remy is talking with his dad towards the beginning of the end of the movie and gets all philosophical and crap. It was kinda random and a bit cheesy. However, that's a small moment, and the rest of the movie was just great. Simply beautiful.

Eh. I was going to put a rant here about how Pixar is truly great and is nice compared to other animation companies that are convinced that animation is for kids. But the way I was writing it, I was starting to make an ass of myself, so I'm too lazy to fix it and make it sound better. I know how disappointed you all must be, but I'm afraid it's for the best.

Today is better

Tim is much better today. I think now he's really upset with himself that he tried to do this. I'm just glad that he isn't dead.

I'm still kinda mad at him though, but I'm too concerned about him to actually maul him like I kinda want to. I even told him last night that I'll beat him up later.

So, on another note...

I got my Invader Zim DVDs on Tuesday, way before this mess erupted yesterday. I love it and I'm glad I got the house box, too.

I was surprised, 'cause when I first saw the box, I thought it looked just somewhat crappy, but when I picked it up I could just immediately tell how sturdy it was. It's a really, really good quality collector's box! Mom laughed at me when she saw it; no surprises there, but it doesn't matter, 'cause I don't exactly care for Mom's opinion of entertainment or geekiness (OMG CHARMED!).

Tim could fully appreciate the box for what it's worth. He, too, was a little skeptical when it saw it, but as soon as he touched it he understood how cool it was.

I talked to Casey last night, since I needed to talk to someone. We talked about a bunch of things, about Tim...I tried not to dwell on that too much, so we talked about some other stuff. Like how Casey finally watched the first episode of Invader Zim, and he liked it. Perhaps I have succeeded in converting another! I can only hope.

If it turns out that Casey really likes the series, I'll probably end up buying it for him as a birthday present or something.

Tomorrow I meet with Maria about my idea for a 4-H event. I hope it'll go over well and that my idea isn't too vague. I don't want her to be disappointed that I don't have everything figured out...then again, I'm not sure she's expecting me to.

Well, off for school. Ugh, I better not do this again. I'd like to actually enjoy my summer next year to the fullest, actually be able to do practically nothing for a couple of months.

I...

...am at a loss.

My brother attempted suicide by medication overdose today.

I just don't know what to do.

Just a convo with my friend

Tsumirechan (5:41:54 PM): FANGIRLS ARE CREEPY DDDDD:

ConfusedMeNot (5:43:27 PM): D;

ConfusedMeNot (5:43:53 PM): I would like to meet Jhonen, and tell him that he's pretty awesome.

Tsumirechan (5:44:12 PM): Frankly

Tsumirechan (5:44:24 PM): I think meeting Jhonen would be shweet

Tsumirechan (5:44:45 PM): But I have nothing to say to him other than, "I love yer stuff, thank yous"

Tsumirechan (5:44:55 PM): So, I just feel like I might be a bother

Tsumirechan (5:45:13 PM): Then again, I'm not trying to abduct his panties, so he might not be bothered by me

ConfusedMeNot (5:45:32 PM): yeah, exactly

Hedgebunny of DOOM (Dream)

I was lying in our mini-van, in the middle seat. I was tired, not feeling well at all. I just wanted to be left alone.

My mom and my brother, Tim, came to me to ask what was wrong. Trying to get them to leave me alone, I saw that a live, moving bunny made of hedges had jumped in the car since Mom and Tim had the door open. I shooed it out of the car and closed the side car door.

For some reason my family continued to pester me. I noticed that one of the back windows were open. As I gazed through the small crack of the window, I saw the hedgebunny jump right through it and back into the car. I was a little freaked out.

I shooed the hedgebunny out of the car once again, only to have it instantaneously jump back in the car through the window. I couldn't take anymore of this.

I ran to the blue house, my former home, with my mom and my brother. I got in unscathed and Tim was right behind me. However, I saw that the hedgebunny was attacking Mom. I tried to think that she would be fine as I closed the door to the house and ran upstairs to Tim's bedroom.

At this point, I was so terrified, I felt it was pretty much every man for himself. I did care about what happened to my mother and brother, but they were in charge of their own survival.

Once I got to my brother's room, I stood on something to get closer to the ceiling. I removed a tile from the ceiling, squeezed in through the gap, and began to navigate through the strange tunnels that were there.

I kept crawling forward, thinking I was going to such a secretive place that no one could find me, especially not the hedgebunny. It was dark around me, everything was primarily brown in color. When I found the secret room, I plopped on the bed that was there. My heart was pounding.

And then I heard something coming up through the tunnels I had just been through.

It was the hedgebunny.

Will I ever stop talking about Richard Horvitz on my blog?

Who knows.

Short comment relating to him today, though:

I love Squirrel Boy. Hearing Richard hiss, "the precious" equals major win. (For reference, this moment happened at the end of "Outta Sight")

This is where I point out that it continues to boggle me that so many people seem to detest Squirrel Boy. I've had many moments while watching the show where I crack up and rewind so I can watch the moment again (thank you digital cable). I really don't get why so many people, at least kids on TV.com, seem to dislike it. Maybe it's because it rather reminds me of some of the "classic" cartoons, when they didn't try to fool you into thinking it was cool or deep or anything of the sort.

Though, I will agree: Squirrel Boy's opening song sucks. A little ditty in the background, with characters from the show shouting, "Rodney!" Luckily, though, I realize that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover; or in this case, a cartoon by its opening animation sequence.

Today I got the Invader Zim keychain that I ordered. It's Zim in the Voot Cruiser, and I like it. I admit it's much, much larger than I expected, so I don't believe I will be putting it on my key-ring. I'll probably end up putting it on my backpack. Whatever I do, I'll find a use for it, 'cause it looks bloody brilliant.

I sent my proposal email to Maria H. It was about the idea I came up with for a 4-H event. Maria replied quickly, and she sounded thrilled. I have to figure out when I'm available next week, because she said, "I'd love to meet with you and discuss it." Next week because she said she's too busy this week. I have to get on figuring out my schedule.

But...after I finish watching Squirrel Boy. 'Cause I can be that lazy.

I'll go back to watching Squirrel Boy now. I can assure anyone reading this that I'm going to rewind once more before I finish watching the episode, because "the precious" line is that great. Either that or I'm extremely biased in some way. Meh.

Odd dream

So, I had a dream. Guess who was in it?

Right, Richard Horvitz. Probably because I watched those Jimmy Kimmel videos with Fred Willard off of Horvitz's website last night.

It was like an acting class or something. There were three teachers, Doug J., Richard Horvitz, and some other guy I don't remember. In fact, I'm not even sure if this third guy had a name.

Like acting classes have normally been for me, I was much older than most of the kids, by about four years or so. Also, for some reason, Megan M, my friend Tennessee, was there, but she wasn't in the class.

I don't really remember anything else other than some competition in the class that confused me, and some crazed fan disrupting class by barging in to get Richard's autograph. He, of course, was all nice about it.

Am I officially crazy now? First, a couple of weeks ago, I have a dream with some Richard Horvitz sound-alike, who wasn't actually Richard. Now, I had a dream with the real Horvitz in it.

Yep, I'm definitely crazy. Thankfully, though, in the dream I wasn't spazzing over him or anything.

Anger isn't a disease

It's a choice.

Stress is high in my house at the moment. Tim's stressed over his job and Mom's stressed over Tim being stressed. I'm getting stressed because there's too much friggin' stress.

Fun, innit? I'm praying my hardest to God. I could only end up making the situation worse by getting angry out of my stress and yelling at someone in attempt to relieve myself.

This tight feeling in my chest isn't anything new; I've felt it before. It hurts, it's consuming, it scares me.

The only thing I can hope God can do through me is keep me mellow and not agitate my family any more.

Here's hoping I can manage to write some of my story today; either actually in the story or start and complete Basil's and Levi's character bios.

Yay, I no longer have any concept of time!

So. I got up, figured I was going to be doing school today. Like normal. I'd put in my three hours and maybe some extra to catch up from when I got a little behind earlier this week.

I procrastinated, reading a fanfic pretty much from the moment I woke up.

I decided, after getting to chapter eleven of the twenty-some chapter story, that I should stop and start doing school. Before that, however, I wanted to check the status of my amazon.com order.

I checked, it didn't say anything different. The Invader Zim keychain from Old Glory is expected to arrive anywhere between June 18-25.

I was pretty sure that today was the 16th, since Gaia's monthly collectibles were unveiled yesterday. I hovered my cursor over the clock in the lower right corner of the computer screen. Just imagine my surprise when I saw that it read Saturday, June 16, 2007.

I thought today was Friday. And I was sure that yesterday was Thursday.

It's definitely summer now; I no longer know what day of the week it is.

In other news...

I probably sounded a little too emotional or something in my previous post. I really wasn't, if anything I just felt really sympathetic.

So, right now I'm wearing my one tank top. It feels weird and I've decided that I'll never go out in this thing until I buy a strapless bra and figure out a thorough, quick way to shave my pits. I don't think I'm going anywhere today, so I'm fine with wearing it. If I'm mistaken, I have a load of my laundry in the wash, so no worries.

So, I have a little story. This happened two days ago when I went to the Milwaukee Zoo with my brother, Tim. I shall call this tale...

Acey, Saver of Hats

It was around three o' clock in the afternoon and I was exhausted. I had went to the zoo so I could take pictures of the animals and maybe enter some of the photos in the county fair. After having been at the zoo for about two and a half hours, my brother and I had finally finished looking at all the exhibits.

We had just left the monkey exhibit, much to my pleasure. Heading towards the zoo's entrance, I had just finish telling Tim how tired I was from walking around for two hours. He insisted that I was out-of-shape, but I didn't feel like arguing.

A gust of wind blew. Clenching onto my camouflage-colored hat, I kept walking forward. I was especially surprised at myself with how I had dressed that day. I was wearing my light pink Mori no Ike t-shirt, my camouflage Awana hat, and dark-blue jeans, all the while carrying my leather, brown purse and a camera case. If anything, I looked like a normal somewhat girly-girl.

One of the tour trams passed by and a strange yet oddly familiar scene played out before me. Toward the front of the tram was a mother and her young girl, who looked about three or four years old. As they passed, a tiny, white hat fall to the ground. When I looked back at the tram, I could see the distress in the mother, realizing that she could not leave the tram while it was in motion to get the hat. The tram driver would not stop, either.

My heart panged in confusion for a few seconds before settling on a decision. Pushing my stuff to Tim as I asked him to hold it, I ran over to the hat, picked it up, and sprinted down the road to where the tram had just gone.

The fatigue I had complained about earlier was superseded by my goal to rescue the hat and return it. I saw the mother waving at me as I approached closer and closer; she knew I had the hat.

When I was finally near enough, I reached out the hat to the mother, who took it gratefully.

"Wow, thank you!" she exclaimed to me. I just grinned in response, letting my legs slow from their sprint to a stop.

Instantaneously, after I was done, I jogged back to my brother. Once I reached him, I felt the weight of my weariness sit on me. We walked and talked our way back to where our car was parked, with me noting how wet my pants felt with sweat.

Because of all this, I thank God for the glorious Qdoba Mexican Grill. Nothing tastes better after rescuing a hat for a little girl, who reminds one of one's own self.

Hell hath no fury compared to mine own

So. It's amazing how I am always late to learn information that's been out for a while.

I didn't realize that Nickelodeon Studios had closed. I went to Universal Studios this January, and I didn't know that Nickelodeon Studios was gone. It's at times like these that I wish I was a little more observant.

I normally wouldn't care if it weren't for me seeing the time capsule. As soon as I saw that, I felt disappointed. Why? Because the hopes of children were...smashed, I guess. The kids of '92 who made suggestions for that time capsule thought that it was going to be buried in Nickelodeon Studios and then re-opened, fifty years later, from the very spot it was originally placed.

I guess I just felt bad that it seems many times, no matter how small or large the issue, things tend not to turn out how we expected. I don't really know why, but little things like this...upset me. I guess it's just the child in me sympathizing with other children.

But, I'm not actually angry. I'm just a nerd and thought that the title sounded cool.

I'm bright...like a dying lightbulb...

So, I was talking with my mom. She was telling me how from the military records she looked up yesterday, she found that I had two ancestors that were a part of the revolutionary war. Because of this, I can apply for scholarships from Daughters of the Revolutionary War.

But the important part of the conversation was this:

Mom: And [the two ancestors] both come from the state of... *leaves me hanging to get me to guess*
Me: ...Wisconsin?
Mom: Revolutionary war, Amanda.
Me: Uh...Philadelphia?
Mom: Which is... *goes on, telling me that I guessed wrong*
Me: ...Pennsylvania?
Mom: That's right! And Amanda, Philadelphia is a city, not a state.
Me: *laughs* How am I supposed to remember whether Philadelphia is a state or city?

The moral of this story is:
I fail at geography.

Interesting dream of mine

So. It's official: Richard Horvitz has inadvertently invaded my dreams.

I was at some sort of school in this dream and I was in line to get some food from the cafeteria. The line was incredibly short, probably only four people in it, counting my mom and me. There were about five people who appeared to be working there, most were female but there was one male.

As I waited in line, I heard the male speak a few times, and I thought he sounded familiar, but he didn't say enough for me to be sure. I got out of the line and watched him. Then he laughed loudly at something one of his co-workers said and said something I don't recall.

"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE RICHARD HORVITZ!" I ran up to the guy, who looked surprised.

"Huh? No, I'm not...who's he? The name sounds kinda familiar, though," he replied to me. I was disappointed that it wasn't really Horvitz, but I was still amazed nonetheless.

I explained some things to the guy and he looked interested, though a little doubtful. I asked him if he ever considered taking up voice acting.

"No, I couldn't do that. You see, I can do these voices, but I can't do them with any emotion," he told me. I wasn't shaken, however, and kept at it.

"Well, you could always take an acting class. With some training, you could be, like, a fantastic Richard Horvitz impersonator," I encouraged him, though now that I'm awake I'm wondering what the world would need two Richard Horvitzs or one Richard Horvitz and a Horvitz impersonator for.

So, I took him by the hand and took a walk with him, talking with him about various things and trying to come up with suggestions of what kind of acting classes he could take. I remember thinking about Doug J., my acting teacher at the WCT, but I wasn't too sure about having this grown man be taught by an actor that normally teaches children.

Here's a reminder: Though it's easy now to think of logical alternatives or answers for this man, I was sleeping. Earth logic does not apply to dreams.

So, that was basically my dream. There was a little more to it, parts I don't really know how to describe because it's hazy. I do remember that sometime after the Horvitz-guy left, I met Ryo Hayakawa and she needed to help interpret Japanese for this group.

...A very strange dream. I'm kinda disappointed that this Horvitz-esque man was nameless. I'm kinda disturbed that in my dream I went to such lengths of talking with guy just because he was similar to a man I'd like to meet. And that this similarity went about as far as his voice and not much else.

Lack of sleep messes with my personality.

So, here I am. The day after my new Church's Senior Banquet.

It was nice, but because of the bowling, I didn't get home until around 12:30 AM. Then I took a shower to get most of the hair spray out of my hair,'cause otherwise I would've woken up with an allergic reaction that would've probably thrown my immune system off.

I don't regret last night, it was fun. But when I'm tired, my personality seems to be off and it darkens a bit. A little more anti-social than normal, even with people I like...and I've been reading Invader Zim fanfics all day. The one I'm reading right now is about Zim getting addicted to a fictional drug.

If I wasn't in this mood, I probably wouldn't be reading it. I think normally wouldn't care for, "Someone messing with a characters personality and having them do something dumb like taking drugs." I could be wrong; I really don't know, I just now that I'm a bit off at the moment.

At least the author is good. I strongly disagree with some of her opinions (like her opinions on cutting, as seen in her fic about Gaz starting to cut as a way of couping with her confusion on the way to identifying herself as asexual). No matter, she's an excellent writer. She picks tough subjects and writes them well.

My arms hurt from bowling last night; I know this for a fact, because I mimicked the action of throwing a bowling ball with my right arm, and my arm goes into extreme pain. Well, maybe not extreme. Let me over-exaggerate, will you? I just know my arms are exceedingly sore. Damn muscle issues.

Back to reading that story. I just kinda wanted to relate that I get weird when I'm tired.

"Life can be lived, life can be loved...alone."

[Last music played: Learn to be Lonely sung by Minnie Driver]
[Current mood: Contemplative]

I've been feeling a little more depressed lately. Probably a mix between Tim being home and me adjusting and trying to get over Casey. I've been working on math this morning when I randomly thought of the Phantom of the Opera, more specifically Learn to be Lonely.

In short, I've let me console myself with emo-ness this morning, but I'm starting to feel a bit better.

I've realized that I seem to get myself stuck in situations of unrequited love. I know I'm young, but I can be very serious; so even if it's just a crush, I take it seriously and get ahead of myself. That makes it all the more disappointing when my dreams are crushed. I get stuck in similar situations that have nothing to do with love, also.

My characters are definitely facets of myself. When I was listening to Learn to be Lonely, I imagined my character, Ahikam, crying softly. Not into a pillow sobbing, just standing there listening to the music like I was and coming to a similar realization: "I have to learn to live alone." Just standing there with tears streaming slowly down his cheeks.

This is where I've realized that Ahikam seems to be my outcast, somewhat emo muse, while Melki is my, "pissed at the world and its stupidities, ever angry at how moronic human beings continue to be." Layla muse is similar to Melki muse, but instead just gets angry at specific people and lets those she loves near her, though she's still rather bitter.

I guess those three characters show the most negative aspects of my persona. Yay for me.

Unintentional hilarity

I love how my previous post almost makes it sound like I have a crush on Richard Horvitz. 'Cause not only does his name come after the tags, "crushes, feelings," but I was talking about "stalking" someone on a forum.

Now that I'm postively sure that the someone I was actually talking about has no idea where my blog is, I'll be blunt.

I was talking about a guy-friend of mine, Casey. Pretty much since I've met him, I've had a bit of a thing for him. I've come to the conclusion that he's not for me, it seems we keep disagreeing on some things. That may not seem like such a big deal, but in addition he has girls all over him. Girls are always falling for him and he's told me that he has four "wives". I know he's big on inside-jokes and stuff, but...

I guess I just realize that I shouldn't crush on someone who's not seriously considering me. I mean, why should I be seriously considering him if he's stated that he doesn't believe in "long-distance relationships." Pfft, we live in the same state and could probably see each other every week easily if we both commited to going to Madision to visit each other.

I think I'm coming off as a little angery, but I'm not. It's more like, I know I should get over him because nothing can and will ever happen, but I'm frustrated with myself that I ever had a thing for him. I wouldn't be in this mess if I had never toyed with the idea.

I guess such as life. I'm a stupid teenager, I shouldn't surprise myself so much when I make stupid mistakes. But I do anyway, apparently.

I caved into my fangirlish wants and started to write up an outline for my idea for an Invader Zim fanfic. I'm determined to try to make it as close as I possibly can to what a real Invader Zim episode would be like, based upon feel and characterization. I just don't want to write something highly unprobable, like Zim and Dib romance or Zim suicidal angst. It's amazing how easily I forgot the shortcomings of fandom, how people seem to have no concept of what their favorite characters truly are. Or have absolutely no concept of the world that these characters reside in.

Bleh. I could go on for practically forever, but for the sake of trying to remain brief, I'll stop. Tim, no pointing out the lack of brevity in my rant. I know that brevity is not exactly a strong point of mine. So...be nice? Please?

"It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it."

I think I'm finally starting to listen to what God's been trying to tell me...

He's not the one for me. Yes, he's nice, smart, and amazingly intelligent...but almost every time I "stalk" him on that forum, I see him saying something I completely disagree with. It's like a red flag going off in my mind and I've been ignoring it up 'till now.

I love how incredibly blind teenage girls are when they are in love...and I was mocking myself, just to let those not familiar with my sense of humor/aren't reading my post in the tone I'm writing it in.

Now the fun part is to ignore my almighty hormones and stop flirting with this guy, stop entertaining ideas of things that will never be. Yay, I'm doomed!

I have to be going to the 4-H archery shoot soon. If I'm good, I'll get a white like I did last year. If I'm amazingly fantastic, I'll get a red. I'm rooting for getting a white, personally.

Speaking of 4-H, I came up with an idea. I'll keep it at this: It involves 4-H, Richard Horvitz, and me contacting our youth agent so I can figure out how to write a letter to Horvitz's agent.

...I was going to be vague about that and I ended up being oddly specific. Sometimes, I just fail at ambiguity.

"I am a perfectly normal human worm baby."

[Current music: ZIM-phony]
[Current mood: busy, content]

I have various happy things to note.

For starters, I only need $27.40 more monies before I have $249.99, AKA the Wii's retail price. Once I get my next paycheck from my job, I'll have a little more than enough. I'll be getting my next paycheck in two weeks.

I have re-gotten into Invader Zim. I believe I have a greater appreciation for it now than I did when it originally aired. I'd say this is mostly because I have gotten older and am therefore most likely smarter than I once was. After I obtain my Wii and get Twilight Princess, I believe I'm going to purchase the Invader Zim DVD boxset and the special House box.

I have once again accomplished in doing all of my required school hours. Take that, education-system! I shall conquer you yet!

I'm also working on my character bios. I've ended up tweaking around quite a bit, realizing how much I needed to figure out the time line of things. Like, how old characters are in relation to each other, when specific events happened to each character, and overall how these time lines properly overlap. Listening to ZIM-phony while figuring out this stuff is nice; no lyrics to distract me, and I can concentrate. I should do this more often.

Despite all these awesome things, I still can't wait for Tim to be home. I've missed him. I miss Josh, too, but I talked to him today, so it's pretty okay.

So, in short, I'm not dead yet. Sorry to disappoint any of my enemies. ((I suppose the real question is, "do I even have any enemies?" Other than Brittany, but I don't even know if she still hates me like she used to.))

Well, better get back to work. As a random note, hierarchies based upon height amuse me greatly.

Good news

No, I didn't just save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

I'm shocked and amazed, by I managed to pull off the 28 hours.

Sure, I worked all morning...and hated it. But I did it.

Now I shall go off somewhere and wonder WTH I'm gonna do with the rest of my day.

All work and no play makes Acey a bored girl

So, yeah. Starting last Sunday I am supposed to put in 28 hours of school work a week.

For me, it's hard. And annoying. I'm trying, but I don't think I'm gonna make the goal.

I mean, yesterday I worked until 5:40. Just to make the five hours. Not to mention, I was concentrating so hard I was getting a headache. I wasn't sure if it had to do with my concentration plus the music, but I didn't want to turn off the music, because it was the main thing that was keeping me from just giving up completely due to boredom.

...Other than that, I'm trying to leave a happy life at the moment. I only need roughly 90 more bucks until I have enough for the Nintendo Wii.

Mom bought Silent Witness, a book about Terri Schiavo's circumstances, a couple of days ago from a dollar store. I picked it up, and I'm almost done reading it. It's well-written, I've only skipped a couple of pages because the author went on a large tangent describing autopsies, so I was surprised yet not surprised that this book was selling for a dollar.

When you think about it, it doesn't matter if it was a well-written book. People stopped caring about Terri Schiavo and her case two months after she died. And now, two years after her death, I'm reading this book. And only because Mom bought it from a dollar store.

Tonight, I'm going to Fun World, because it's Awana Book Finishers' Night. I hope we do laser tag. And I hope I can win a lot of tickets to either buy something silly for myself or to help another girl get what she wants.

I should start getting ready for school. Toodles.

Ho-lay sheet.

[Current music: Tonari no Totoro]

Did I just avert something crazy.

See, this morning I missed the video showing for my video acting class. I was upset about it, and Mom called to apologize because she felt bad that she didn't tell me yesterday what time the showing was at. I didn't want to talk to her AT ALL because I wanted to think things through.

So, I just got another call from Mom. She was asking me, "What was that anime where the season one, two, and three are coming out?"

I know Mom's number, so I was like, "O.O No way am I letting you spend ninty bucks on me because you feel guilty. If you're gonna buy me anything just because you feel bad, buy me Kiki's Delivery Service. x.x;"

Then I explained to her that I was mad, just not at her. I was mostly pissed at myself because I had my calender with me and everything last week, but I didn't write the time down or anything.

So, yeah. Still kinda disappointed that I missed the video, but I'm feeling better.

Something happy

My Awana contest ended today, so I gave the prizes out to the winners.

I put all of the prizes in brown paper bags, to make it all secretive and cool 'n stuff.

3rd place was a box of Pocky.

2nd and 1st place were Coco Kitty or Kiki Kitty plushies. 1st place got first choice. I asked the 1st placers, "Black or white?" and that's how they picked.

...So, when the girls opened the paper bags, there were squeals throughout the room. All the girls were freaking out that the cuteness of the Coco Kitties and the Kiki Kitties.

I don't believe I'll ever forget how good hearing those girlish cries felt. That I, A.C. *lastname censored*, made a bunch of girls squeal with joy, because I bought extremely cute prizes to award those girls for their hard work.

For the first time in a while, I'm feeling less like a screw-up nobody and more like someone who can make a difference in others' lives.

I never want to forget this feeling.

Short and sweet.

I fell asleep to an argument, I woke up to an argument.

And I have the sinking feeling that Mom's gonna be bitchy to me all day.

Hints to keeping me happy!

1. Do not push the red button.
2. Do tell me that I'm a wonderful writer. It earns you brownie points, which can be redeemed for brownies once you have enough points.
3. Do not IM me telling me how you are making out with your boyfriend/girlfriend. I most likely proceed to snap at you, and will most definitely get depressed about my current state (single)
4. If you are of the male gender, do not address me as "love." Even if you are partially British. My brain will implode from the rush of blood to my head.
5. I said don't push the red button.
6. Do donate gold to me so I can purchase my Baby Seal Slippers. I like that.
7. Do not unplug Witchy-poo; you'll make me cry.
8. Do give me Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. It makes me happy.

*cries* I'm so silly...

[Current mood: Moved]
[Current music: Imagine Me Without You by Jaci Velasquez]

I just bought this song off of iTunes. I keep crying while I'm listening to it. ;.; And I'm singing to it. Crying and singing at same time. Crying and singing and writing.

Casey called me last night when I was at Awana's. It was pretty cool. I felt bad for leaving in the middle of lesson, though...oh well.

Performances of Wizard of Oz: Unplugged have been going pretty well. Tomorrow there's just one and none on Sunday. Two on Monday, two on Tuesday, two on Wednesday. Then it's done.

I'm getting closer and closer to getting my Wii stuffs. I need about 200 more bucks. Closer to 190, but nobody cares about technicallities. XD

MOM WANTS ME TO GO TO BED. I R NOT HAPPY.

G'night.

OMFG

...I have finally, after all this time, been able to write down what I've invisioned for SyU to be about all along. And now the title has the sense I've imagined it to have; I just haven't been able to explain it very well before now...I'm so happy.

Other than that, I'm finally saving up for a Wii. I have around 100 bucks, and I heard a rumor that there's going to be a price drop soon. So that means, I get my Wii faster. Yay! However, of course, that's if the rumor is true. If it's not, well, it means I don't get my Wii faster. XD

I want this decal for my Wii: http://www.decalgirl.com/browse.cfm/4,6308.htm Decalgirl FTW!

Also, I started playing Ocarina of Time again. I've almost finished the water temple. After that, I think I'll go on a Gold Skulltula rampage. I nearly have 50 of the tokens so, heck, why not try for all 100? Should be fun.

*goes to tape SyU's theme paragraph on her door*

Whoo!

Three nights ago I hit 10k wordage for massive damage.

...Okay, that was really lame to attempt to quote that. But, seriously, I have 10,312 words in my story now. That's super awesome.

I discovered this thing called OpenID today. I now realize it's been out for, like, two years, but oh well...if OpenID worked with Blogger, I'd be able to comment on Safty's LJ.

As far as Gaia goes, I made a submission to the avatar arena. I don't think I'll even be close to winning, because I think a lot of people a giving me low grades because weddings avis have been done before. Someone even said the description I made was 10x better than the actual avi. *sigh* Oh well. I did it for inspiration's sake and nothing more. At least people are being honest...though comments like "stupid" and "lame" are hardly things that one could work off of.

I have Japanese tutoring later this morning, so I should, uh, probably get dressed. Yes. Get dressed and ready for work.

I think I'm going to change the theme of my blog. Something still with the browns, but I think I'll want it Petite Princess Yucie related...yes.

The parents are irratating me about getting ready for school and the rest of the day, even though I JUST wrote that...oh well. It's not like that they can read what I've written from the top of the basement stairs.

Bye-bye!