My favorite flavor popsicle is orange

Lots of things going on...and will be going on.

So, the past few days. The class at Pamela's Place was boring. Very boring. It took three hours. After it, I was practically crying--I still wasn't feeling well--and I was so tired.

I also had a mini meltdown on Friday. I'm just getting so sick and tired of being little miss petite. I'm 5'4'' and 88 lbs. Hardly anything fits me just right that hangs on a clothes rack and places like Joann's don't sell patterns that sew for anything smaller than a size six! How does that work for a stupid zero or one like me? Plus with me liking more conservative clothes...stuff on the rack that does fit is generally far too low-cut. I don't like to openly display everything God gave me, kthxbai. Sigh...

I guess I've just been in a slump lately, I think my cold has a huge part in it. It's just...times like these, I feel useless. Like I can't accomplish anything, no matter how hard I try or how much I want it. All I feel capable of is looking through the window that separates me and my role models and dreaming wistfully.

I guess one thing I wish I could do would be to talk to one of these people I admire and hear from them that I actually have creativity and that I have what it takes to get in the business. I just feel like I need some more affirmation and a push in the right direction to get me out of this life-sucking ditch I'm stuck in.

I go on college visits next week, and John Cramer wants me to speak briefly at the Gala that the WCT is putting on for the big donors for the theater. It's for the auction bit, he wants me to explain the part where they aren't auctioning anything except a donation to the ACT program at the theater. John thinks I'm a perfect fit to do it, because he can remember a time where Doug could hardly get me to speak during the Improvisational class. I don't remember that, but I don't really mind the idea of telling people why the theater is worthwhile.

I asked Mom to ask John about the status of the MoHos idea--apparently when she asked he "smiled," meaning he hasn't gotten to it yet. I understand that John is very busy...I guess next time I see him I'll just flat out tell him that since it was my idea in the first place, if he wants me to help out in any way regarding it, I will! I mean, any chance at meeting Richard Horvitz or Fred Willard...who wouldn't jump at that?

I can't think of anything else to write. I just hope that maybe the college visits next week won't overwhelm me and instead may give me an overdue boost of confidence.

An update

Yes, Tim, I've talked to the guy. I told him I couldn't come, that I was too busy. I still have a mixed feeling of guilt and not really caring; how I can feel both at the same time I still can't figure out.

So, my disgusting cold from last week has mutated into another repulsive freak: instead of being tired and congested, my throat hurts and I can't talk. I also am semi-constantly coughing up various organs in attempt to clear my throat.

I should probably be heading for the sack now. I'm tired and dropped a popsicle on my carpet. And, I have a "Home Ec." class at 10 tomorrow morning (I'm going to Pamela's Place with my mom so we can learn how to use her new Bernina: the Bernina that I like gushing over because of all the potential nerdy things I can do with it (like making an embroidered Chowder T-Shirt (maybe Truffles on it with the words "I need my cutie-sleep"?)))

Well, good night world.

Tim: Soon I'll be ordering the birthday present that you have insisted that I don't need to get you. Pokemon Emerald is the one your interested in, right? By the way, I beat Pokemon XD's storyline, but I still need to catch all of the Shadow Pokee-mans and purify them. It might take a while, because I am now somewhat addicted to a game on my laptop called Cake Mania.

What to do, what to do

So, there's this guy...but not that kind of guy. He's invited me to his birthday party next week at Skateland, but the thing is...I really don't want to go. Skateland tends to be filled to the brim with obnoxious seven year olds.

Plus, in light of the last party I went to, I'd hate to get stuck in another situation where I feel awkward and alienated...

Arielle's recommended that I tell the guy that I just can't make it. If that's an okay thing to do...then why does the mere idea of it make me feel so incredibly rotten?

I don't want to go, but I feel like a jerk if I lie, telling him that his party "doesn't work with my plans."

I'm getting better from my sickness, so I can't even hope to use that as an excuse.

I'm sick

So, I've heard that there are about 10 different bugs going around right now, and I've probably caught one. Yesterday my fever was at a high of 101.7 F.

I'm really tired and I constantly have chills. I want to get better soon, 'cause I absolutely hate just sitting on my buttocks and doing nothing.

On a bright side, my mom's finally scheduled doing college trips with me--I'll be checking out Hope and Valpo in a couple of weeks (I don't know about Illinois Wesleyan, last I heard from Mom was that she couldn't get a hold of them).

I better go before I infect the internets with my flu.

The "Joys" of Cleaning Out the Vegetable Drawer With...

...My dad.

Simplified scenario for you:

Me: EWEWEW! The bag is freakin' leaking! Toss it, TOSS IT! *is going to puke*
Him: Well, the liquids just on the outside of the bag, the stuff inside isn't the thing leaking...It looks like cilantro or something.
Me: It's friggin' contaminated! Throw. It. OUT!

In addition to this, my dad really needs to learn that even if we bought the veggies a couple of weeks ago, most vegetables go bad within that time-frame.

Lord help me if I ever manage to exercise the stupidity to marry a guy who'll get in these same situations with me.

...That shouldn't become an issue, though. I am definitely not going to marry someone who can hardly cook for himself.