Yesterday was great, but...

I can't help but feel like I'm some disgusting prude.

It's like, everyone I know who is in a relationship is so in loooooove, and all over each other and just...I mean, great for them! But every time I see stuff like that I'm like, "I'm not one to judge, or to tell them that they're doing something wrong or anything, but I just would do things completely different."

And so, when they end up talking about that stuff, not only can I not relate, but I feel like even if I did have a significant other I still wouldn't relate. There would be no technical this and technical that. But...I know it's not because I'm a prude.

The reason I have this feelings is because I may a choice a while ago. I know myself better than anyone else, and I know that if you give me a little leeway, I can go batshit crazy with it.

I know people say that they can't imagine me getting pregnant or anything, but the fact is, I can. I know I seem all small and cute and innocent and oblivious, but the fact is, if I didn't have this determination, I would be the biggest fucking whore.

So, in a way, I guess I'm just sick of the looks. The, "you don't understand" statements I've gotten. No, I think I do understand. It's not that I don't understand the raging hormones, ahahahaha, like hell I don't understand those. What I guess I really don't understand is how some other people don't have the same determination that I do. Because I really, really don't want to fuck up my life, or someone else's.

I just feel like I'm fooling everybody. No, I'm not as cute and innocent as you think. Not at all.

A little embarrassing, but wow...

So, I've had a lot going on lately, but I've been much too lazy/busy to write any of it down.

But, related to my title? I had a dream last night. I was in the cast of the Phantom of the Opera, playing CHRISTINE DAE.

The set up of the play itself was...terrible. I mean, it really hardly resembled the play except for the characters of Christine, Raoul and the Phantom. But, the important part of my dream, the slightly embarrassing one?

I was having a backstage relationship with the actor playing the Phantom. So. F***ing. HOT!

The dream wasn't dirty, there was just a heckuva lot of backstage making out in costume.

The only other thing I really remember from the dream is one small conversation backstage where I told Phantom-actor that, if I were Christine, I'd have probably made the same decision she did, you know, choosing Raoul over the Phantom, pretty much only because MURDER IS BAD.

So, yeah. My dream from last night. I'm going to go hide now.

I got a new stuffed animal last night <3

I went to Fun World, and I got 400 tickets so I could get a cute stuffed dolphin. I've named him Igor the Malformed Dolphin, because he's a little...demented looking. He's tilted to one side, almost looks like he has a hump, BUT HE'S ADORABLE. You can't make me love my Igor any less.

So, lawl. I posted on Richard's forum last night and this morning I've remembered why I get nervous with message boards. Once I post something, and I see about 10, 20 views but no replies? I get all dngfasdkjhgadjafkjdgfuhawe OMGNOIDIDITWRONGANDANDANDPEOPLEARELAUGHINGATMEEEEE! (my condolences if you could read that).

I really should care less, but I don't. I just get really, really anxious/nervous. Maybe I should upload the segments from the songs so people think I'm less crazy? Or change the subject so it SUCKS LESS?

Heh, I have, uh, 10 minutes before school starts. I can't think of anything new with me...I just know that I should work on my 4-H project tonight, since I didn't yesterday or the night before...

Better go. I need five minutes to get dressed.