emo post beware.

Some days I feel like there's no way anybody will love me the way I do for them. I worry about and agonize and cry over so many of my friends, but...I don't feel like they do the same for me.

I dunno, maybe they do. Just, like me, they generally don't say anything. Perhaps it's my fault because I'm afraid of appearing to be too emotionally involved. Maybe I'm alienating people because of this, even though I've been doing this for a while as an attempt to not alienate people.

Or maybe I'm just looking into things.

To Timmeh:

Frankly, it's not that I've gotten weird in the month after you've left; I've actually been like this longer than you know. The thing that changed within the last month was my workload, so I don't have the energy to actually put up a front, where I, you know, pretend that I'm sweet and innocent.

What gives you idea that they're Japanese? Anyways, you are wrong, sir. Those two are characters of mine who are villains in separate stories. The reason I say weird crap like I'm "channeling" them is that, for some freaking reason, whenever I'm in certain moods all of a sudden I start thinking about those characters.

This woman is going to bring out the worst of me

Well, girl, really. From my Econ class. Evil is named Lisa in my book.

It's crazy; I didn't think it was possible for me to be channeling both Melki and Akakios simultaneously.

Here are some thoughts running through my sick little head: "Stupid fool. D< style="font-style: italic;">smart, I write fucking long essays on Adam Smith, founder of Economics! I r so original!'"

I had to restrain myself from writing a reply to her comment picking a part her reasons for disagreeing with some aspects of my essay (and lol, some of her comments made it look like she missed the fucking point!). Also had to resist the thought to read her essay for the sole purpose of picking it a part to find all that sucks about it like the conniving bitch I'm tempted to become.

Doesn't help when both Melki and Akakios are so amused by my RAAAGE over this. They're both basically saying, "Dooo it. >D"

I mean, this is them...back and forth:

Melki: "Good" is relative anyways, isn't it, my dear?
Akakios: In the end, you're finding that her reasons against your work are ill-founded. She owes it to you to correct her, to put her in her place: lower than you are on the intellectual scale.
Melki: Right, right. Repay as she has done to you--
Akakios: Assert your superiorty.
Both: Do it! >3

I'ma...go read Economics nao. And try to cage those two into the deep corners of my mine where I can't hear them trying to persuade me.

Previous post baleeted.

I got self-conscious of my audience and decided to delete my post.

Oh, irony, don't you love me?

Oh my gosh, I love this

http://www.drunkduck.com/Whatever_I_Want_to_Do_Gosh/index.php?p=456985

I actually kind of know the guy who made that. I wrote an Invader Zim fanfic and he commented on it; through that we started chatting through AIM on occasion. So, he showed me his comics, and I lurk them.

If you like the comic, spam it to your friends like crazy.

Dreaming Within my Dream: Not a Rip-off of a Poem by Poe

I had the most bizzare dream last night.

I was lying on my bed, trying to go to sleep. I was exhausted. But as I did this, I started to feel...things. Like there were darker presences around me, trying to perpetually pull me into this sleep. And when I slept, I was haunted by nightmares. The presences I felt were overcome with glee; they wanted to do everything they could to torment me.

I kept trying to wake myself up to escape the nightmares, but as soon as I did I would be pulled back into them. There was a point where I had a hard time knowing whether I was dreaming or awake.

I just know that throughout this dream I was tired and terrified, and I couldn't stop the nightmares myself.