Leaving tomorrow

So tomorrow I'm leaving for Mori no Ike. Finally.

Today was my last day working at the fair. The Action Center wasn't too bad today, even though I was working from 10 AM to 5:30 PM. Bryen made it much more bearable and interesting, bringing me to this point...

The highlight of my day: Re-telling the whole episode of the Most Horrible X-Mas Ever to Bryen W. It finally put the fact that I've watched the episode about six times to good use.

Another cool thing about today is that I ended up coming up with a word: "Geekery." It's a noun. If you don't understand what it would mean, note the first four letters. "Geekery" would mean the same thing as nerdiness, basically. Though I'm not sure if "nerdiness" is a word in all technicality, either.

I need to go finish packing for tomorrow. I'm bringing my portable DVD player with me, along with all of Invader Zim and the movies Kiki's Delivery Service, the Fox and the Hound, and Summer School. What? I know I'm a nerd. Tell me something I don't know, please.

Well, it'll be another four weeks until I can use the computer again. Bye everybody!

Mom.

You were bitching at, venting to, and throwing your pity party at Tim for two hours. Two hours.
Are you really surprised that he started screaming?

Mom, you have no concept of boundaries. No concept of when to stop.

And you never realize that what you're doing to us is wrong.

In a way, I'm surprised he didn't crack earlier.

So, current status? I hate life. Mori no Ike, please come quickly. Please!

This morning's short post continued

I screamed at her some more. Can't remember what I said.

We "made-up", but I'm frankly not sure how long it'll last. I can't trust her. I can't be fully honest with her because she doesn't understand. And I hate how saying that as the honest truth makes me sound like a whiny teenager.

Whenever I point out she's done something wrong, or something that bothers me, Mom just rationalizes and rationalizes and rationalizes. A single comment from me can turn into a twenty minute pity-party for Mom.

I'm just torn in so many ways. I'm worried about her and her health, yet at the same time, sometimes I wish she would just drop dead. She says I can be honest with her, that I can tell her everything. I can't. I've tried to do that in the past and it never works out because she always freaks out. She tries to solve things immediately. It's just...I can't. It doesn't work.

My gut tells me to be cautious about what I do and say around Mom. But at the same time, something in me wants to be perfectly honest with her because I want to hold to the sweet belief that things will be different. But they never are.

I feel like I'm going crazy, because I don't know who to believe. Believe what my gut is saying or what my naive nature and my mom is telling me?

She said something a little bit ago that kinda scares me. I feel so trapped. I'm actually tearing up as I'm writing this. She feels we don't spend enough time together. She was saying she wanted unconditional love, just for me to go up to her sometimes after school and say, "Hey, wanna go to a movie?" Instead of sitting on the computer.

This is where I tell you, the reader, that I am homeschooled, so a suggestion that I don't spend enough time with my mother makes about as much sense as saying that Invader Zim will get uncanceled and a new season is premiering on TV this coming fall, with all the cast and crew returning to the project.

I guess one thing is that I feel scared and, well, invaded. I feel like I have very little privacy, because as my mom has stated, she wants to know everything that's going on with me, and everything I'm feeling. Is this wrong to not feel the same way? That I feel like I want to be left alone?

I mean, Mom came into the room as I was typing this up, so I minimized it. She asked me if I was crying, but I really didn't want to tell her. She then came over and started tickling me to try to make me smile, after I admitted that I was feeling not so great about how things went this morning.

I faked it. I totally faked smiling and laughing, because I don't feel like smiling and laughing. No amount of tickling from her right now could truly ever make me feel better. So I faked it so she'd leave me alone.

Right now I really am not sure if there's something wrong with this picture I'm in or if I'm just insane.

So.

I just screamed at my mother. Literally.

I screamed, "You don't know what I'm doing, you don't know what's going on, so just leave me alone!"

I'm just tired of that bitch.

OMG A QUIZ! ...'Cause I was bored

You scored as Tak, You are ambitious and strong, and probably the second most intelligent person on the planet... In fact... if the first most intelligent person were to continue on with their video games you might succeed in your lofty goals! And just a kidney kick... YOUR S.I.R. can at least function properly! Tak 100% Gir 70% Tallest 70% Zim 60% Peepi The Hamster 60% Keef 60% Invader Skooge 60% Dib 60% Ms. Bitters 50% Gaz 40% Prof. Membrane 35% Piggy or Moose 0% Which Invader Zim Character Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

...It just really amuses me that, according to this quiz, I am as much Zim as I am Keef as I am Skoodge as I am Dib as I am Peepi the Hamster.
I'm not surprised that I scored kinda low as Gaz, but fairly surprised at the high ratings for GIR and the Tallest. And I find the fact that I got Tak 100% to be weird. I don't even really like Tak.

I had a little fun with this. Like, any slightly evil sounding questions I agreed with because, well...it made me smile. The full-of-yourself questions had a similar effect on me, too.

I suppose I'm officially a freak now. Oh well.

The 100th post! A convo with me and Andrea on Gaia Online

Andrea: thank you, wyfe ~ <3
Me: Oh, not at all, dear. It'll only cost you your eternal soul. :3
Andrea: WHAT?! DDDDDDD:
Me: HOW DARE YOU DEFY MY REASONABLE PRICES! Off to the dungeon with you.