'KAY I LIED.

I did get all the figments in Psychonauts, got to rank 100, and re-beat the game at about 18 hours.

I also wrote a Psychonauts fanfic this morning, about Oleander's dad.

So, yeah. I'm a total loser.

But anyway, it's not like I have a chance to play it any time soon--my brother Josh has the X-Box and is going off to college again. In a way, I kinda had to play it obsessively so I could get everything done, before Josh left.

When Sarah and Gabe get back, I think I'll let Gabe borrow Psychonauts if he's interested. It's a nice single player game, he may like it. If he doesn't, well, at least he didn't spend money at Blockbuster renting a possibly very damaged copy.

Well, I'm off, I'm going to post my fic on the Pit now.

((Speaking of the Pit, I'm shocked to see how many Sasha/Raz and Dr. Loboto/Sasha fics are on the site. I mean, ewww...why would you write slash about Dr. Loboto, anyway?! I guess I really don't want to know...))

My brothers came home for Thanksgiving

And Josh brought his X-Box home with him, like I asked him to. Guess what that means.

I played Psychonauts. At last.

A couple of days ago I was doing errands with my mom* and I asked her since we were in the area, if we could go to the Gamestop at the mall to see if they had Psychonauts. They didn't. We checked the EB Games near the mall. They didn't have it either.

However, the Gamestop near Noodles and Company did have Psychonauts for the X-Box. It's still completely beyond me why Brookfield has three used game shops in pretty much the same area, but, hey, I got my game, so I'm not complaining.

The game I bought is in excellent condition as well! Absolutely no scratches, there were only some fingerprints.

So, when I got to start playing it yesterday, when Josh came home, I was thrilled. So thrilled that from the time he came home I didn't stop playing until around 12:30 AM (I didn't realize it was so late, and I was in the middle of a level that I wanted to finish before I stopped).

This morning I woke up at around 7:50 to watch the Angry Beavers on Nickelodeon. I was recording it via DVR, but I don't think that gets counted in the ratings? Anyway, I wanted to support the first time the beavers have been on Nickelodeon in years.

Pretty much after that, I was back to playing Psychonauts again. It's such a fun game, I could hardly put it down. And, despite the fact that I was well aware that Richard Horvitz did the voice of Raz, I still got immersed in his character and story.

Because, you know, sometimes when people are fans of actors they tend to watch something just because that particular actor is doing something in it, even if the story is mediocre. However, I'm glad to say that Psychonaut's story, characters, art, and acting blend so well together that I couldn't imagine it being described as mediocre.

Yeah, the game was sort of short. I didn't get everything, since I have no patience to track down every single last figment in the game, but I completed the game in about 15 hours. I think that's about three hours more than what most gaming websites average the playtime, but eh. That's just me.

For the record, since I am a pathetic human girl, I nearly cried twice out of frustration from playing Psychonauts. Saving Li'l Oly from the mutuant rabbits was horrible and Raz's nightmare acrobatic regimen of DOOM was frustrating as well. Once I got past those (and both times it was pretty much a case of "UGH! You're doing it all WRONG, Acey! Suck less, please!"), it was smoother.

Uh, but I also did snap at my brother a little when I was facing the final boss...I pretty much was like, "Tim, would you stop talking to me?" I apologized, but, geez, I'm facing a two-headed freak of nature boss, and my brother is asking me tons of questions. If I did that to him, I'm pretty sure he would've done a little more than a slight snap at me.

Yeah. The game is fun, amusing, though preposterously difficult at the end. I find I must echo what I read from other players of the game: It's got a really, really weird difficulty curve.

So, I would say, if you get easily pissed off by frustrating video games or frustrating video games might make you cry, but you still want to try Psychonauts...

Take a break. If you're sick and tired of failing at that one part and having to start over and over again, pause, wipe your sweaty palms on your pants, walk away from the game, and breathe. Drink some water, clear your head. Once you're a little more mentally stable and less like Boyd, return to your console and try again. Rinse and repeat until you pass that hard part.

I mean, the game is pretty easy up until the final level. Some of the parts before that can get annoying, but not the "I-want-to-destroy-my-console" kind.

So the overall verdict is:

Yes; I do obsessively play video games until I beat them. Thank you for noticing.

((*by the way, Mom and I haven't had any huge depressing discussions since the 16th. Yay!))

Funny how everything becomes clearer when I start to type

Yesterday managed to be less than fantastic, I remain living so I don't have too much to complain about. I don't exactly want to write specifics--everything's too hazy anyways--so I think I'll just type a bunch of vague fragments in sequence.

Depression. Frustrations. Bad communication. Mocking. Hurt. Heart-wrenching bouts of tears. Less bad communication. Feeling better. Communication still overall sucks.

I really can't wait for college to come, just because I really want to get out of the house and spread my wings. I don't expect to do everything perfectly, but I want to learn to make my own stupid mistakes and learn from them.

Oh, I have a liquid problem, apparently, as I couldn't pour coffee creamer in my mug earlier without some spilling on my sock and the floor, and I couldn't walk into the basement without pouring coffee on my pants and on the carpeted stairs.

I'm thinking about attempting some writing tonight, and I hope I manage it. I just looked over some of my beginning stuff and got the horrible urge to rewrite it, but it's good enough aside from some paragraphing issues which I can fix later. I now fully realize what Jenn was telling me a couple of years ago; when you start something, try to finish it, else you get into this rut of just perfecting the bits you've written and can't hope to continue further.

...Sorry, I guess I can't help but have my mind drift back to the discussions I've had with my mom over the last couple of days. They've really been eye-opening, in the sense that it f*cking emotionally hurts like all hell.

She, in her own words, doesn't give a rat's ass about animation and voice acting. She, in her own words, finds my casual and upbeat discussions about it tiring and too much, and would rather hear me vent my frustrations and lament my worries and depressions.

I'm sorry, but seriously? If I am actually clinically depressed, I think one of the best medicines I can take is filling my life with positive stuff, and talk about that positive stuff. Things that make me happy. The more I talk about depressing stuff, the more cynical I can get. I know, pretty hard to believe I can be cynical and pessimistic when on the internet and with real life friends, I'm pretty much:

"OMG! I love you! *hugs* So, leik, I was watching cartoons yesterday! I love cartoons, do you? OH YEAH! I loooove Foster's, and Billy & Mandy, oh, and have you seen El Tigre? It's pretty cute... hey, do you know anything about voice actors? Uh huh, here's a fun fact: Billy West, the voice of Fry on Futurama, does the voice of the honeybee in the Honeynut Cheerios commercials! Isn't that funny?" And pretty much saying all of this in an excited tone and a smile on my face. That's the me I show to my friends, because it helps me have more faith in life by being goofy and positive, and it helps them by me not being the overly emo wangsty baby hate child I could be. Nobody likes a drama whore, so I refrain from being one.

...Mom? I'm sorry you absolutely hate what I love. I'm sorry you seem unable to appreciate animation, voice actors, taste that is entirely different from your own, or the newer animation that is emerging. But I can't help but feel that you seem to be trying to "nurture" my interests, yet stay entirely removed from what I see as my budding career.

And, Mom, if watching cartoons and looking up information on voice actors and talking with people about animation is making me happy, I'd rather do that than start popping depression meds. I don't care if I'm "clinically depressed," which I'm probably not. I'm an average teenager going through strife and handling it like most teens do.

I'm not constantly suicidal; I'm not cutting; I'm not pregnant; I get good grades, I do my school work; I'm planning on going to college; I'm taking my future seriously, looking at what I think I can and would like to do as a career.

I mean...Mom, in most ways I am an above average teenager. What more do you want? Seriously? Most of my negative behaviors that you had serious problems with have gone, and now the problems you have with me are becoming more and more anal and requiring more from me than I think is necessary. I thought you would love hearing about my interests and aspirations, people I admire, a business I'd like to be apart of in the future.

I guess I was wrong. But how can I not share them, with you now semi-constantly yelling at me for not being informative and sharing what's going on in my head?

Ugh...everything is just a mess right now. And somehow I still manage to be continually baffled by the sheer fact that people, such as my mother, can be completely insensitive hypocritical assholes, yet also show to possess more than a twinge of care, though still maintain more than a healthy dose of stubbornness.

On a lighter, related note: I'm entirely grateful that my mom has no clue where this blog is.

I just measured myself this morning

I thought I was 5'4", but I have just found that this isn't true.

Apparently, I'm 5'2.5".

Well, that explains a lot.

(Though I'm still underweight according to the National BMI index. Eh, still not caring.)

Dear world,

From now on, please address me as the fantastic idiot formerly known as "Acey M."

Why?

I hit another car while pulling into a parking lot today.

I was on the way to work, basically. I was rather stressed out because all the really impatient people who detest student drivers seemed to be behind me today. Also, I didn't sleep well last night, but I kinda forgot about that.

Thankfully, the guy I hit was a real sweetie and had kids of his own, so he didn't call the cops on me. ._.; Still feel like a dumbass. I was going less than 20 mph and I hit a car. While trying to pull into the parking lot of where I work. It's just so full of lame and suck, I'm still kinda mesmerised by my own stupidity.

Everyone I've talked to today (including my brother, Josh) has told me not to worry about it or beat myself up about it, but my perfectionist self is just having the dandiest time mentally wacking myself over the head with various blunt objects.

'Cause, well, I should've pulled over and let my mom drive waaaay before I got near work. I was nervous because all these irritated drivers were behind me (excuse me for not being comfortable enough to drive over the speed limit!), and was starting to feel light-headed. But no. I'm just like, "I have to push myself outside of my comfort zone, or I'll never improve."

That particular nugget of wisdom? Doesn't apply to all aspects of life.

Here's hoping I sleep tonight.

Talking with the Hamza

So, currently speaking with Hamza...it's interesting.

I'm going to a Radio Broadcasting class tonight that's being held at UWW, a local college. I'm rather excited about going to it.

I pretty much just got off of the phone with Hamza. We talked for about an hour total.

So, my current gaming interests:

Yesterday and this morning (meaning, at around 3:30 AM), I watched a playthrough of the game Psychonauts, pretty much due to my "illness," Horvitzious obsessus. (*insert laugh here at my bad pseudo-Latin*) It looked like a really fun, better-than-decent game. I was kinda proud of my nerdy skillz, because I could tell which parts of the game were difficult by looking at them. Most of the game looked fairly easy and straightforward, though there were parts where I was going, "...I would've never found that."

As such, I really want to borrow Josh's X-Box and get a hold of a copy of Psychonauts, because it looks like fun. And, from what I've read, the PC version just doesn't seem to be acceptable enough.

I really need to finish eating, so I can be well-fed for this class. Ta!

You are free to LOL at me

This happened within the last 10 minutes.

I was just sitting innocently at the computer...while blaring Evanescence...Bring Me to Life, more specifically. And I was singing to it. I was having fun, trying to imitate her voice and the inflections she sang with.

Then, all of a sudden, my mom popped out of nowhere and sat next to me at the other computer.

I freaked.

"OH SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!" I yelled, promptly closing iTunes and running upstairs to hide.

I'm a loser.

Worst of it? My mom came and found me to tell me that I had a lovely voice.

This was one of those, "Please let me crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment" moments.