Dear Mom

"What are you doing?" =/= "Why are you under your blankets?" or "what's wrong?"

God, so this is why everyone thinks you're reasonable. You repeatedly bark at me "what are you doing?" and to everyone else, you tell them that I refused to tell you what was wrong. Nice.

EDIT'd to add:

Why I'm not accepting your apology? Because I see no hope or improvement in this relationship. It's never gotten any better. I'm the only one who's ever made any attempt to change behavior. As long as you keep thinking, "Well, I'm the Mom," and "I'm fifty-five years old, I think I know more than you," this will never, ever go anywhere.

And your apology was still an "I'm sorry but" apology. It was, "I'm sorry, but do you understand what I'm going through with two depressed people in my house?" Obviously, you must not be depressed. You're just an angry bitch. Obviously you don't know what it's like to wake up every morning feeling worthless and then getting bitched at how you shouldn't be venting because there's work to be done. Right, right, thanks for confirming that no one really cares what I have to say. Ever. And confirming that my emotions are meaningless and are just some biochemistry gone awry, there's nothing substantial to the way I feel or am acting, it's just because I need to take some pills to fix it.

I've given up. I want this relationship to end, whether that comes from me getting the hell out of this house by becoming an adult or by taking the easy way out. I just can't stand you anymore. As much as you like to claim the contrary, you don't give a shit about what I'm doing or what I like. You never ask me about it. And the times I've tried to share? You never get around to it. Or something *more important* is happening. It tells me where I really am at with you.