I can't help but feel like I'm some disgusting prude.
It's like, everyone I know who is in a relationship is so in loooooove, and all over each other and just...I mean, great for them! But every time I see stuff like that I'm like, "I'm not one to judge, or to tell them that they're doing something wrong or anything, but I just would do things completely different."
And so, when they end up talking about that stuff, not only can I not relate, but I feel like even if I did have a significant other I still wouldn't relate. There would be no technical this and technical that. But...I know it's not because I'm a prude.
The reason I have this feelings is because I may a choice a while ago. I know myself better than anyone else, and I know that if you give me a little leeway, I can go batshit crazy with it.
I know people say that they can't imagine me getting pregnant or anything, but the fact is, I can. I know I seem all small and cute and innocent and oblivious, but the fact is, if I didn't have this determination, I would be the biggest fucking whore.
So, in a way, I guess I'm just sick of the looks. The, "you don't understand" statements I've gotten. No, I think I do understand. It's not that I don't understand the raging hormones, ahahahaha, like hell I don't understand those. What I guess I really don't understand is how some other people don't have the same determination that I do. Because I really, really don't want to fuck up my life, or someone else's.
I just feel like I'm fooling everybody. No, I'm not as cute and innocent as you think. Not at all.
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3 comments:
the only reason people say you 'don't understand' is because you don't have the experience, but with a little observation, it's not hard to understand.
and yes, it is just raging hormones. :|
Such a prude....geez....
I'm sorry if we offended you... I totally do NOT think you're a prude. The only reason *I* said that I can't imagine you preggers is NOT because you're cute and little (even though you are)... it's because you are very practical and smart about stuff like that.
I know you're not innocent either... and I can definitely imagining you being a caring, loving, and affectionate girlfriend to some lucky guy. Truth is (and you already know this) everyone has different comfort levels. What is comfortable for Jeramee and I, what helps us show eachother that we love eachother without putting too much sexual pressure on eachother, may appear to some that I'm a needy slut. Or that he's a complete perv.
Don't you remember when I had the same determination that you do?? The only reason it's different now is that Jeramee and I... well, it's "WHEN" not "if"; "When we get married," "When we have kids," ... so I can imagine myself pregnant a lil bit better than I can imagine most of my other friends.
I'm really sorry if I've offended you in any way... if anything bugs you, please feel free to call me on it! That's what BFFs do.
Totally sorry for the long comment, but hey, that's my comment on your post!
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