I just feel like I can't communicate my problems to people. Something always holds me back, saying that I'm just going to mess something up by sharing my thoughts and feelings.
I was in the middle of reading something last night when it all just came out. What I was reading reminded me of my own life, my own problems, and I hated that. It reminded me that I don't share all of my thoughts with those I'm closest to. That I'm afraid that I'll bother them, since they have their own problems.
I just cried. I attempted to phone someone, but I don't think he answered. I still feel like crying this morning.
It's just...all my life, I've had it rammed into me that I shouldn't inconvenience people. Isn't telling a person my problems inconveniencing him/her? I don't know what to think or what to do. And even when people tell me that I can tell them things, I feel like they're lying to me. How could someone actually mean that? I don't get it.
I've never been able to help people I'm close to, who're depressed. I wasn't able to help Tim, I still can't help Mom, I can't help a friend...I can't even help my self.
I better end this now. I have a message to go to. I wish I didn't...I'd rather be in my bed.
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2 comments:
Hi Acey,
I know how frustrating it can be when you are having troubble communicating your thoughts/feelings ... you are NOT inconveniencing any of your friends I'm sure!
If you ever need to talk to a random/impartial/open-minded person you can find me on AIM at ashep24.
Sincerely,
-Adam
I don't mind listening, Amanda. I know sometimes I seem busy, and sometimes I am, but that doesn't mean I can't listen. I sometimes feel that way, too, though! There are very few people that I really do talk to, although I have other reasons besides inconvenience--but that's a whole other story!
Anyways, I'm here for you (no matter where here turns out to be!)
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